My life changed the summer I was twenty-five, not long after my birthday, as a matter of fact. The afternoon was a typical one in the Georgia farmlands; hot, yet peaceful, only a few animals milling around the farmyard to break the stillness. But one of the creatures in that barn, I thought, was certainly not at peace. If I knew my older cousin, he was curled up into himself in a corner of the hayloft, not wanting to come down and join his family, not wanting to admit that he, the strongest of all of us, was feeling so helpless. He didn't seem to want to talk to anyone, didn't want to see anyone. I kept trying to be understanding, kept trying to talk to him, to make him feel better. But Luke didn't seem to want to feel better. All he wanted was to be left alone, alone to curl up in his misery.

I sighed unhappily, leaning against the side of the orange racecar I'd just driven up in. "What do I do now, General?" I asked the Charger, talking my frustrations out, as I usually did, to the car. Of course, the General Lee never answered, but sometimes I could talk my own way around something. I knew that my cousin was hurting, of course he was... yet at the same time I felt a trickle of jealous gladness that things could be back to normal now. I quickly squelched that thought, shaking my head at myself in disgust. Now,that just wasn't fair.

Our family had always been close. Closer than most, really. The Dukes of Hazzard County, northern Georgia, USA were a unique lot. In our family's past, for hundreds of years, we had been moonshine runners. Once Luke and I got caught, though, that ended. But our love and inborn skill for driving didn't quit. We just moved it to the racecourse and the local back roads. Instead of running from the law, we started helping to uphold it, particularly from the local excuse for law enforcement. 'Boss' JD Hogg and Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane were always up to no good, it seemed. But turning them in would be betraying an old friendship/war/alliance, and would upset the whole balance of life in Hazzard, so we just kept an eye on them.

And throughout the years, we Dukes stayed a family. Nearly always together, at least close by, and always there to rely on. There were four of us, three cousins and our uncle, Jesse, who had raised us all. I was the youngest, though Daisy wasn't too much older, and we tended to hang around together. We were both somewhat lightly built to be honest, and as children we learned early on that sticking together and playing with each other rather than the bigger kids paid off. We still had a close bond; Daisy was like my twin sister. And Luke... Luke was the oldest. He was the leader of the family under Uncle Jesse, strong, proud, brave, and fiercely protective of home and family. He'd been to Vietnam and knew how to fight and kill, but he hid the gentlest heart I knew behind those sometimes cold-seeming ice blue eyes. He was my very best friend, and I loved him. We were even blood brothers. When it came to catching crooks and the like, Luke was the leader and planner of our team, Daisy was the spy, decoy, whatever, and I was the getaway/chase driver. And Uncle Jesse watched out for us all. We did have our spats, yeah, like any people living together... but I'd never seen any family closer than our own. We were all each other needed.

Until four months ago, when Luke fell in love. He had been quiet, abnormally almost shy about it, not really knowing how to act, but Helen Richardson had accepted it all. New to town, she had been more than a little lost until our family sort of adopted her for a while, like we had others. But the difference was, she'd stayed. She had been there with our family through everything in the past six months, even the hard times, and had taken a liking to Luke from the start. I had watched as they grew closer and closer, fighting to keep from feeling betrayed. It had been a long time that I had been the foremost person in his heart, and I didn't really want to give that up, especially since I had recently decided to finally tell him a secret I'd been keeping inside for... years. But I knew my cousin loved her, with all he had. It was visible -- this was different than it had ever been, with any girl. That light in his eyes was different. So, because I wanted him happy, I kept my peace. And one day, he asked her to join the family. To marry him.

Something in me had screamed 'no!'. But Jesse and Daisy were thrilled, and so I kept my mouth shut. Helen had said yes instantly. She was an orphan, without home or family of her own, and she had confided to me in the past that she longed to belong somewhere, like we all did, which in itself made me feel guilty about my negative feelings. Also, and most importantly, she loved Luke just as much as he loved her. And she was good for him, even I had to admit that. I watched as my older cousin learned again how to let himself soften, how to open himself up from when he had learned in the military to lock his heart away, keep himself hidden inside from hurt. And so, even I finally welcomed her as though she were already a Duke. Things seemed to be going so right, and they had announced the engagement at church only last week.

Then that day had come, dawning bright and cheerful like any other. A day that changed all our lives and wounded Luke terribly inside. We 'kids', the three of us cousins, had been running through town, Rosco hot on our heels because of something we'd been framed for. It was a normal day for Hazzard, though folks from other places might not quite understand. This chase, this game, was nothing we all hadn't played before, many times. But this time, it would turn out different. Helen saw us running, and apparently decided to give 'her' family more of a chance to escape. She ran from the town green into the street to intercept, just as we cut across the square in the other direction. Not one of us had noticed the fake fire hydrant Rosco had set up earlier on the sidewalk. Including Rosco, so set on catching his fleet-footed quarry was he. And just as we all ran into the street at once, the sheriff tripped over the hydrant.

He fell sprawled face-first on the road, yelping in surprise and complaint, and his gun, in hand, went off. Now, we all knew that Rosco couldn't hit a bleeding elephant in the snow, so that was no big deal. We paused for a moment, laughing, to get our breath back, then as Rosco picked himself up, sputtering, turned to run again.

We'd all seen it at the same time -- a young woman, lying in the street, red quickly pooling on the cement around her. Luke had gone crazy. He screamed her name and wrenched away from my hold on his sleeve, running out, heedless of the two cars that chose that moment to drag-race by. Even Rosco didn't turn to chase them for speeding in town. He was too busy running too. I watched, numb, while my cousin fell to his knees in the middle of the street, openly crying, calling her name over and over. Daisy and I knelt down beside him, horrified and not sure what to do, as Luke turned her over and pulled her up into his lap. Helen opened her eyes, and smiled up at him. "I love you," she said. Then her eyes closed, and her breathing stilled.

Rosco ran up, and dropped heavily beside us all. His eyes were huge and horrified. "Oh Lord," he breathed. "Oh dear Lord..." He quickly took off his hat before jerking Helen out of Luke's arms and fiercely trying to start first-aid and resuscitation. I knew it was no good, though, even before he started. Shaking, I turned away, unable to look any more, and suddenly caught sight of Luke's face. He looked distant, hollow, like a piece had been taken out of him. Pure sorrow was threatening to consume those pale blue eyes, and I didn't even think about my next response. I reached out and grabbed him, unwilling yet needing, into a rough hug, holding on while he cried unashamedly. We all shed tears that day, and again at the funeral a couple of days later. Luke made it through the service, but seeing her casket being laid into the ground seemed to be the last straw. He broke away from my protective arm then, and ran for the pickup. Daisy called after him, and Uncle Jesse ordered him to come back, but he paid no heed. He gunned the engine and took off in a cloud of dust.

And now I was standing in the yard, looking up at the hayloft of our old barn, where I knew Luke was trying to hide from the whole world. He was terribly predictable about where he went when he wanted to be alone. Finally, I made up my mind and moved toward the open doors, stepping into the shadows and looking up the ladder. Luke had to have heard the rest of the family come home, but there was no movement from above, only the dust glinting in the sunbeams coming through the window. Sighing, I started my trip upward. It didn't take long to find him, sitting in a far corner. What hurt was the fact that I was only glared at.

"Hey, Luke," I greeted quietly, trying not to show my worry as I scrambled up the rest of the way into the loft. "Hey, you okay?"

"No," my dark-haired cousin mumbled, and turned his face away. Seemed like he didn't want to talk to me or anyone else.

But I was good at not taking hints; that was how I managed to make my way into and out of so many things and situations. It was a skill I'd been honing from the age of four years old. I went over and plopped down in the hay beside my best friend. He had changed into normal clothes from the suit he'd worn to the service, I noted, and couldn't help but think briefly, again, how good he looked in blue. Sighing, I waited for a moment, then laid a hand on my cousin's forearm when no response seemed forthcoming. "Please, Luke," I said softly. "Can I help?"

"No." Luke jerked away, and I tried to ignore the hurt that crept up inside of me. But in the silence, I could almost see the pain in his eyes as well, and that lent me a patience I wouldn't normally have otherwise.

"Please?" I tried again, softly.

"No."

"Luke..."

"No."

There was a long silence, broken only by the buzzing of summer flies, then I finally sighed, deeply, and stood up, brushing the clinging hay from my jeans. "Fine," I said, unable to keep the bitterness completely out of my voice. "Be that way. I'm going in to have dinner." Without a look back, I walked over to the ladder, trying to ignore the shaft of guilt that pierced my gut. I hesitated for a second before bending down to grasp the ropes, but still didn't look at my older cousin as I made my way down.

Once on the ground, I shut my eyes and swallowed back tears. It wouldn't do anyone any good for me to cry. I knew Luke had only struck out at me because he was hurting so badly himself.

But as it got darker, I couldn't help but begin to worry. I finally got up from the silent dinner table, throwing my napkin down, and moved for the door, intending to go out and haul my cousin in out of the cold. But just as I put my hand on the doorknob, I heard the unmistakable sound of the General's engine roar. I scrambled out onto the porch, yelling Luke's name, but the tires only spun dirt into the air with the force of the racecar's takeoff. I could only stand still, numb, Jesse and Daisy coming up beside me as the tail lights disappeared around the bend.

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I didn't have a clue where to go. For one thing, I was on probation and couldn't leave the county without written permission from Boss Hogg. For another, I just didn't want to. Hazzard was my home, my life, and I couldn't settle down anywhere else and feel like I belonged. So, I ended up running out to an old moonshine site and setting up camp in the cabin there. It wasn't in the best condition, but at least it had some supplies and the roof didn't leak.

It must have been somewhere around midnight when I was jolted out of an uneasy sleep by... something. I lay very still, listening, and heard a faint crack outside the door -- someone stepping on a tiny twig.

Whoever it was was a good woodsman. Only a trained man, like myself, would have known he was even out there at all. I didn't know who it was, but I was going to be prepared. It might be a hillbilly, or some escaped convict or something. Farfetched sounding, yes, but in Hazzard, people learned the hard way that anything was possible. I reached out slowly from under my blanket and curled my fingers around smooth wood and metal. The familiar feeling made me feel illogically safer as I lifted my compound bow off the floorboards and tossed the blanket off to stand up from the cot. I shivered briefly; even in the summer, nights this high up in the mountains could be cool, and I wasn't exactly dressed for it in only my underwear. But I set my jaw and simply notched an arrow, moving to the side of the cabin's door and drawing back the bowstring.

I was so very glad that when the door opened, carefully, the first thing was a flashlight, waving around the interior, then a soft voice called out, "Luke? It's me." I nearly collapsed, quickly loosening the arrow I had almost let fly, and stepped into the beam of light.

"Bo Duke, I could have killed you!"

A slight smile traced his lips. "No you wouldn't."

"But I didn't know it was you!"

"You wouldn't have hurt me no matter what." Bo stepped closer, midnight blue eyes looking into my own. I saw absolute trust and adoration there, like I always had, and couldn't stay mad long. I sighed heavily, running a free hand through my hair, and turned away to walk back toward the cot.

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you." My younger cousin shut the door behind him and followed me, though he certainly hadn't been invited in. "We were all gettin' worried about you." He paused. "Especially me."

I put the arrow I'd had out back into its quiver and set the bow down beside the cot. Then I sat down, sighing again, and looked up at him. "What'm I gonna do with you? I told you I wanted to be alone."

"But I don't wanna leave you alone." Bo sat beside me, eyes meeting mine again with that almost-childish openness. "Luke, please. Let me stay." He dropped his chin and pouted a little bit. "It's a long, cold drive home..."

I finally had to smile, even through my grief and pain. I held out my arms wordlessly, and the slender blond melted into them, snuggling close like only he would. I rested my cheek on the tousled head leaning against my chest, and somehow relaxed. Even though I really didn't want to admit it, I did need this more than anything -- pure, unconditional, forgiving love. I felt something inside me that I had buried for the last few days come trickling up slowly, and closed my eyes to allow warm affection to fill my heart. With it came a wave of guilt. "I'm sorry, Bo," I finally whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Stay. Please."

At first his only response was to briefly tighten his arms around my waist, but then he pulled back and smiled. Without a word, Bo got up and walked out, then came back in with a down quilt, wide enough for a double bed, not just the twin cot. Enough to cover both of us. He laid the folded bundle down on the cot, unselfconsciously stripped to wearing the same as I was, then lay down on the cot behind where I was still sitting. I glanced at him, but he only yawned, a bit like a sleepy puppy, rolled onto his side facing away, and tugged my blanket over himself. He sighed in seeming content, and his breathing evened out and deepened almost instantly. I shook my head at the sight. He was twenty-five, but still such a boy at times.

I stood up and put my hands on my hips, just looking at the comfortable scene in the bed for a moment, but then smiled. Taking the quilt, I shook it out, laid it over the bed, then crawled in underneath. I nudged Bo over, then lay down behind him, spooning myself around his taller but lighter frame protectively, like I had used to do when we were children camping out in the woods. I reluctantly had to admit that this did feel good, and found myself yawning, a strange, safe sort of peace somehow dulling the pain in my heart. The relief was a welcome one, so I simply closed my eyes, whispered, "Good night, cousin," and went to sleep, deciding to save questions for the morning.

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I woke to the sound of the birds and a spray of warm sunlight across my face. There was also the incredibly welcome smell of sausage. My stomach instantly made it known that I hadn't eaten much the day before. I yawned and opened my eyes, smiling. "Good morning," I greeted.

Bo turned from where he'd dug out some food and an old gas camping stove, and grinned back, his eyes lighting up. "Mornin'."

I yawned again, stretching slightly without getting out from under the quilt comfortably bunched around me, and looked up at the ceiling. The good mood I'd woken in faded slightly when I recalled the events of the day before, but then I forced memories away. They hurt too much. This simple morning, like any other when we had camped somewhere, was too nice to ruin. I glanced over at my cousin again. He was happily humming as he flipped some quick-mix pancakes in the skillet. "That smells good," I commented.

"Uh-huh. But ya gotta get up to get 'em. No breakfast in bed at this hotel," he teased, and I found myself smiling again. If he hadn't been standing next to a fire, I would have thrown my pillow at him. The temptation was very strong.

"You wound me," I instead mock-pouted back, and was rewarded by his giggle. Grinning, I yawned again and kicked the covers down, then sat up on the edge of the cot, stretching with my arms over my head. "Will those be done any time soon?"

"Yup. Like now." Bo flipped the food out onto a pair of plates, then set them and a bottle of maple syrup down on the rough wooden table, tugging out a pair of chairs and brushing the dust off. "Come on, let's eat, cousin."

I stood up and headed for my seat, still smiling, but paused when I reached the table. My blond cousin looked over at me, eyes wide in simple question. I swallowed, then just held out my arms. He understood the wordless apology, gaze softening as he came over to accept and return the hug.

"Shh, Luke," he said softly. "It's gonna be okay."

I almost laughed with the irony of it all, that the younger one, the one I had hurt yesterday, the one I always comforted, would be comforting me. I was the tough one, the strong one, the brave one. I had been to war, learned that there were definitely things outside Hazzard I didn't ever want my cousins to see. I was the one who looked out for them. But right now, it felt incredibly good to be the one on the receiving end. Even leaders and heroes needed someone, I supposed. Someone that they could let down their guard around. Bo was being that someone for me.

We just stood there, holding each other, while I fiercely fought tears. I was tired of crying, and had determined that I wasn't going to any more. Finally we moved apart, Bo chuckling and gesturing to the table. "Food's gettin' cold."

I nodded, swallowing and half-smiling, and sat down. "Then let's eat."

We ate in relative silence, then after washing the few dishes, leaving him to dry, I wandered outside. I realized only then, when the breeze made me shiver briefly, that I was still technically not dressed, but out here, right now, I didn't care. I picked my way barefoot across the tiny clearing that the family had used to set up their still in, and sat down on the old lookout log. I was only a little startled when a light hand dropped onto my shoulder. Uncle Jesse had taught all of his kids well when it came to silent woodsmanship. I sighed and put my hand over Bo's on my shoulder as he stepped over the log to join me in sitting on it. From there, we could see the road clearly in both directions, and the hillside below, but no one could possibly see us. Even the General and the gray car Bo had borrowed from Cooter were buried in a little hollow that nobody could see from the road. Uncle Jesse always had chosen his sites well. Now that the Dukes were no longer running shine, these hidden places still served well for hiding from the world. As if to prove my thoughts, an unfamiliar car raced by just then, followed by a howling white police cruiser. The two skidded around a bend and roared into the distance.

I had to smile a little. Even Rosco and the deputies had never found most of our sites. They would just wonder why we boys disappeared when they were chasing us sometimes.

Bo chuckled slightly. "They've never found us," he put my thoughts into words.

"Yep." I sighed and tilted my head back to peer up at the sky, squinting against the bright sunlight. It would be getting hot today; I could already feel it. "Bo?"

"Yeah?" My cousin picked up two sticks and started whittling away on one with the other, absently. It was just that kind of lazy day.

"Can we stay here for a while?" At the confused sound for an answer, I dropped my eyes from the sky to meet his sapphire ones. "Alone out here. Just you and me. I... don't wanna hurt Jesse and Daisy, but I don't want to be involved in life either. Not yet. But I do want somebody to talk to."

"You have to heal."

I looked at him, startled. It was rare that my younger cousin, almost childish at times, would come up with a thought so simple yet profoundly mature. But at those times, he often said things, pointed out things, that most people wouldn't notice. His mind seemed to work on only two levels. Either he would be the playful, openhearted 'boy', or a seriously philosophical young man who made even the elderly, wise with their years, look at him in amazement. Right now he seemed to be straddling the line between A and B. "...Yeah. I guess so," I finally replied.

"I know what it's like to hurt and grieve."

My jaw tightened as I looked away again. "No you don't, Bo. The only people you ever lost were your parents, and you was just a baby then."

"No, not them." Bo hesitated for a moment, as though unsure about whatever it was he was going to say next. "When you were in the Marines. When you disappeared for a couple months, in the war."

Oh, yes. I had been separated from my group. They had returned to base without me. When I turned up missing, I was pronounced missing in action, lost and likely dead, or at least in some prison camp. But the truth was that I'd been hiding in the jungle, using every woods skill I'd ever been taught as the adopted son of a ridge-runner to evade capture. Eventually, I had made it back. But not before the news of my MIA status had made it home to Hazzard. Everyone had thought I was dead. When I had come home, even though the message that I was alive and returning to the States had preceded me by several days, Daisy had fainted, as though she'd seen a ghost. And Daisy just did not faint! Uncle Jesse couldn't believe I was alive; he'd almost babied me for a while. But Bo, almost shockingly grown from a skinny little kid to a downright good-looking teenager who held himself with poise and confidence, had been hit hardest of all by the message. When I showed up at the front door, the young blond waiting there had simply thrown himself at me without a word, this near-stranger holding onto me as though I were his very line to life.

"You're remembering, huh?" Bo said softly, his voice pulling me out of the past.

I nodded, glancing back over at him. "Yeah. Unlike the others, you never talked about how you'd felt when you heard I was probably dead. You didn't say a word. You just acted as though I'd never been gone."

"It hurt too much to remember." Staring out into the distance, he sighed and broke one of the sticks he held in two. "But I guess now is a good time to tell you what happened. I probably should have a long time ago."

"What happened?" I asked softly, worry overriding my own pain for the moment. I put my hand on his arm, squeezing gently. "Please. Tell me."

"I almost died."

The statement was so short and blunt that it passed right over me at first. But then it came back around, like an Australian boomerang, and hit me right in the gut. I felt the breath rush out of me all at once. "You... what?!"

Finally Bo turned his head to look at me, midnight blue eyes shimmering slightly with half-there tears. "Uncle Jesse promised not to tell until I was ready. I guess I'm ready now." He took a deep breath. "When I heard the news that you were supposedly dead, I almost fell down right then and there. My head was so light, and I was so dizzy... I guess I was gonna faint or something. Well, I didn't, but suddenly nothin' mattered anymore. I didn't cry... I was just too numb inside. I just turned and went back to our room." He took a deep breath. I sat still, horrified and fascinated. "I don't remember much of the next couple of months. Uncle Jesse said I slept a whole lot. Hardly ate or anything. I got real sick. Not sick sick, just... I don't know. From little food and no exercise. When I heard you were alive, it was like comin' out of a fog. Like comin' alive again myself, and I got better real fast. When I saw you, it was like life had started again. And I just lived from there."

I didn't know what to say. It didn't sound like Bo. Not my energetic, playful, take-life-easy younger cousin. He wasn't the type to sink into a depression, which this sounded like. Actually, this sounded like more than just that. It was like he had somehow, unconsciously, seen his life connected to mine. And with that view on things, if I was gone... why should he stay? The thought made me shiver, suddenly cold.

Bo noticed. "Luke? What is it?"

"I could have lost you." The words came out in a whisper. "I was in danger, but alive, and yet I could have lost you, who was safe here at home."

"But it was like I was with you," he explained in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. "I couldn't live without you. Luke, I need you. I thought you knew that."

I stared at him. "I didn't know it to that extent!"

He shrugged. "I can't really explain. It's just how things are. I need you. I just do." His eyes looked into mine candidly, and suddenly the wind was literally knocked out of me by a sudden realization. I saw something there that I had before, but never really paid attention to... something that I recognized, and that quite truthfully scared me. Bo's eyes widened in surprise as I coughed, trying to get my breath back, and he put his hands on my shoulders, as though ready to shake me. "Luke? What's wrong?"

I finally got my breathing back under control, and looked up into those eyes again. There was a sort of fire burning deep inside the dark blue, a soft one. It had been there for a long time, I suddenly realized. When he was worried about me, when I was playing around with him, or when I was gentle with him when he was sick or hurt, the fire grew in strength and brightness. I had always felt a warmth from him whenever we were together, had grown used to it slowly growing over time, to where I didn't even notice it anymore. But now I was suddenly very aware that it was there... and what it might signify. Here in Hazzard, I would never have even thought of such a thing, but in the big outside world, I had discovered some things about the human race I had never imagined existed. Was it possible..?

"Luke?" Now Bo did shake me. His eyes were flickering worry. "What's wrong?" he repeated.

I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. No, it couldn't be, he wouldn't… not Bo! Would he? Finally I took the coward's route out. I coughed again, lightly. "Somethin' just went down the wrong way, I guess. I'm fine."

He just looked at me for a couple more seconds, with that strange gentleness, then nodded and stood. "Okay. C'mon, Luke, let's go get dressed, then maybe we can go hunting or somethin'."

"Okay," I agreed, perfectly willing to forget what I had just seen, or at least thought I had. No, no way. It wasn't possible. Not Bo. He was one of the biggest flirts in the county, always had been, though for a healthy fear of Uncle Jesse, he had never gone too far. And always he had been attracted to girls. So... it wasn't possible. It was just a crazy idea that wasn't right that had been stuck in my head by a couple of my bunkmates in the Marines. I dismissed it right then and there, and felt a whole lot better for it.

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For the rest of the day, me and Luke wandered through the woods with our bows, looking for small game. We didn't really need the fresh meat, we had supplies, but it was just fun to move silently through the trees together, side by side, partners in a team. Just like it had been ever since we were kids. Some things never changed, did they? The two of us were best friends, buddies, and always had been and always would be. Despite how much I might sometimes dream of something… different…

I glanced over at my older cousin at the same moment he glanced at me, and had to respond to his easy grin. Though the memory of Helen's death was always in the back of both our minds, it was almost possible to forget that anything had ever happened. It was a normal day... and I had Luke here with me. Not off with someone else, here with me. The thought was fiercely glad, though I flushed slightly a second later, chiding myself for it. That wasn't fair. It really wasn't. But, how much longer could I keep this secret? I'd nearly let it all out earlier that morning. Sooner or later I was going to have to tell the truth. My gut tightened into a knot at that realization, but really, what else could I do? I'd never been very good at lying to Luke. I couldn't bear to.

That evening, I found the opportunity. We were sitting on either side of a small campfire that we had built. We'd caught a rabbit and a couple of trout, and eaten well. Now we were just relaxing after the day, tying together a few dynamite arrows for no good reason other than the companionship of working together. I watched the dark-haired man across from me for a few minutes, then steeled my determination, if not a lack of fear, and spoke up, softly.

"You really loved Helen, didn't you?"

Luke's eyes snapped up from where he'd been studying the straightness of an arrow. I fought down a shiver at their icy intensity. "Yes. Why?" he asked, and seeing the pain in his eyes, I was a bit surprised at how calm and even he'd managed to keep his voice.

"Because you acted like it." I paused, then took a deep breath, biting my lip for a moment before speaking again. "Luke... have you ever been in love before that? Really in love?"

He just looked at me for several long seconds, then finally sighed and shook his head. "With Helen. Not before that."

"What..." I fiddled with a piece of string in my hands. "What would you have done if you didn't know if she loved you back? Especially if... you were pretty sure she didn't?"

Now I had his attention. I could feel that piercing, curious gaze burning a hole right between my eyes, though I didn't look up. "I... don't know. Bo, why are you asking this?"

I shrugged, a little. Somehow, I was suddenly embarrassed. "I... a friend of mine kinda has a problem, and wants some advice." Great. The oldest cop-out in the book. Now he'd know something was up.

Surprisingly, he didn't comment on it. "Who does your friend think he's in love with?"

"No, not think!" I hurriedly told him, looking up earnestly. "He knows. And... I can't tell you that." I bit my lower lip again, harder this time, fighting the urge to get up and just run. "What would you do?"

Luke frowned slightly. "Well..." He set down the arrow he was holding and stretched his legs out in front of the fire, exhaling hard. I watched him silently. "I think I'd fess up," he finally said. "Tell her how I felt. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, if she has any honor, she will do her best not to hurt you. You'll stay friends. You'll just have to... get over it, I guess."

"But I don't want to get over it." Half a second later, I wanted to kick myself. Now, if that didn't tell him what was up... I took a deep breath; no going back now. "This person I love has a whole lot of honor, Luke. And cares about me, a lot. But I don't think this person loves me the same way that I love..."

"Her?" he finished gently, a look on his face that said he was trying to figure out what girl I knew other than Daisy that was that close to him, and was coming up with one big zero. The next expression was insatiable curiosity. Luke stood and moved to the other side of the fire, sitting down again next to me. I tensed, not daring to look up. "Bo, who is it? Please."

I shook my head, refusing to meet those sharp blue eyes that could tear everything out of me in an instant. My nerve suddenly failed me. "I can't tell you. Never mind."

But he wasn't giving up. "Why not?"

"Just... just cause." I brought my knees to my chest and curled into myself, that tight feeling settling hard in the pit of my stomach. I was scared... scared of my own cousin, my best friend. I shook my head at myself disgustedly, but that didn't make this any easier.

I knew how it would go now. Now Luke was really curious. And a curious Duke ain't ever something you can get in the way of easily. "You said this girl cares about you? But you don't think she loves you."

"Not... not the same way." Finally, very hesitantly, I raised my head to meet his gaze briefly, then staring over into the flames, watching them flicker and dance. "Luke... I gotta tell you something. An' I don't think you'll understand. But just listen, please?"

He frowned. But, slowly, he nodded, agreeing. "All right. What is it?"

I opened my mouth, lost my courage again, and closed it abruptly, shaking my head. "Nah. Forget it." I tried to stand, wanting to flee, but he grabbed ahold of my arm.

"Bo. Tell me." It was a soft order, but still an order. I swallowed hard, then looked up. I was admittedly terrified now; how could I not lose everything after this? But those eyes were pulling the truth right out of my soul. The words were out of my mouth before I even really had a chance to think about them.

"The person I love... ain't a girl, Luke."

To say he looked surprised would be an understatement. He looked floored. But, somehow he didn't yell, didn't attack. He didn't even let go of my arm, though the grip of his fingers did loosen slightly. "So," he somehow kept that calm demeanor, as though we were talking about the weather, "who is this boy you like?"

I licked my lips, breath coming faster now, eyes shifting all around the clearing for a place to hide. I didn't want to tell him. No, not now, not ever. I wanted out of this. Now.

Luke's voice stayed steady, and his hold unrelenting. "I haven't seen you so jumpy since we were teenagers and you had to tell Mr. Grange that you were the one that stole his prize watermelon..." His voice trailed off, and I dared a quick sideways glance, dreading that 'putting two and two together' look of his I knew would be there even before I saw it. Finally he spoke again, his tone suddenly soft. "How long have you loved him?"

"For... for a long time."

"Years?" Silence; I didn't dare answer. "Bo..." He took a deep breath. "Is it me?"

Slowly, I turned, looking up to meet those crystal eyes that so captivated me, shining soft and pale in the firelight. I didn't say a word. But somehow my cousin knew. To my surprise, it wasn't anger or even disgust that flashed across his face next. It was compassion. A few seconds went by, then he moved his hands up to squeeze my shoulders, gently.

"It's okay, little cousin. I ain't mad."

I swallowed and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, fighting hard the tears threatening to spill out. "You haven't called me that in years. Little cousin."

"Well, when you outgrew me, it didn't fit any more," he joked lightly. Then he sobered, still smiling but with wry gentleness rather than amusement. "I won't say I understand, Bo... but I ain't mad at you."

I sniffed quietly, trying to hold back, then lost the battle and suddenly leaned toward him. Luke enveloped me in a hug, as always so gently, so fiercely protective. The thought flickered through my mind that I ought to thank God for this man's love and understanding, given so unconditionally... even now. "I'm sorry, Luke," I managed.

"Shh. It's okay. Shh." He tightened the hug for a second, then let go. I sat back, wiping my eyes again. "I... do love you, you know. Just not that way. But I love you a whole lot."

"I know," I whispered, becoming bolder and laying a hand over his on his knee, looking up to meet his gaze. He looked uncertain... but not negative. Hope jumped inside of me before I could tell it no, but he caught my expression and tensed a little.

"Bo... I'm your cousin."

"I know. Somehow that don't matter." I just continued to look at him, feeling almost shy now. Fear was fading, but still rooted deep inside. "Luke, I'm sorry, but I can't help how I feel."

Something warmed and softened in his eyes, and he reached out and brushed under my own with his fingers, lingering over the wetness of tears I could feel there. I shivered hard. "So mixed up right now..." he mused aloud, as though unaware he was doing it. "Open and vulnerable, in love and terribly, terribly scared of getting hurt. Shh, Bo. Shh. I won't hurt you." Gently, he reached out and pulled me into his arms again, not really tightening in a hug this time, just holding on. I went willingly, and rested my head against his chest, taking a deep breath and releasing it shakily. Luke rubbed my back with one hand, resting his cheek against the top of my head, pulling me into a surrounding embrace that made me feel suddenly very safe. Deciding not to question this, I gave in to instinct and snuggled deeper into him, enjoying his strength against me. Sighing again, this time a release of tension, I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Luke..." I whispered.

"Shh," he repeated. "Just relax. It's okay." He rubbed his hands over my back again, and I slowly felt the tight muscles in my body loosening. Surprisingly, he seemed to feel nothing negative toward me, even with what I had just admitted to. The thought was enough to send me toward tears again. I was being held close and rocked gently, like a child, soft reassurances murmured into my hair, until finally I could hold it in no longer and my chest heaved in a choked sob. After that one sound, I completely broke down, crying out years of pent-up tension and worry into his shirt. I felt the cloth press wet against my cheek, and his skin, but he didn't seem to care. The arms only tightened, fiercely, protectively, and that in a way was even worse, the taste of what it would be like to be fully loved by this man, in the way I wanted to be. I would give anything for that. Anything.

Slowly, the tears subsided, and I rested quietly against his chest for a while. Finally I pushed away a little, and Luke let go to allow me to sit up, wiping at my eyes. "Th-thanks," I whispered.

"Sure. Any time." He smiled slightly, making something flutter inside my stomach as he did so, and reached out to brush my wind-blown bangs out of my eyes. "Any time, any reason, Bo Duke. You know that."

Slowly, I slid my gaze over to meet his. There was a strange, bemused deep fondness there. I paused for a moment. This wasn't how I had imagined things would be... could there be a chance? "You really don't mind, do you?"

He hesitated, looking thoughtful, then finally answered. "I would mind if it was anybody else. But not you." He chuckled softly. "I guess I could forgive you anything."

I just looked at him for a few more seconds, then swallowed. Now or never. "Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Can... can I do somethin'?"

"Like what?"

My eyes flicked shyly around the dark clearing, still scared but not in the same way. Instead, a tendril of frightened anticipation was curling itself through my middle. "Just say yes and I'll show you."

He sounded a bit unsure. "That depends on what it is, Bo."

"Not much. Really. Please, Luke?"

He hesitated, then finally sighed and nodded.

I couldn't help but grin, clapping my hands in delight before I caught myself, then blushing. I was glad the dim light hid the color on my all-too-fair skin. "Okay." I shifted position, getting up on my knees while I still had the courage for this. "Shut your eyes."

"What?" Those inner alarms all went off; I could see it in his eyes. He took a deep breath, fighting that automatic distrust of his that I had learned long ago was a souvenir from 'Nam. But finally he nodded. "Okay." Slowly, his eyes closed, his body still tense and alert. I knew all other senses were strained, trying to figure out what I was doing.

I swallowed hard, and took a deep breath. Did I really want to do this? What if he got mad, what if- I shoved that thought aside; no, Luke wouldn't ever hurt me. At the worst, he'd back off and tell me not to try it again. I knew that, knew my older cousin would never attack me for it. Especially now that he'd accepted this about me. No... I had to do this. Had to at least try. Maybe...

He was looking puzzled now, since nothing was happening. Shifting on his knees, he started to open his mouth to ask a question. That was the deciding straw; I definitely did not want to hold a conversation right now. Before I could change my mind, I placed both hands on my older cousin's shoulders, and put my lips on his.

I kept it light, shy at first. But instantly I wanted to dive in with all I had. The touch was strong, firm, warm, like all of him was. Not at all like kissing a girl... better. So much better. Luke was trembling, seeming almost frozen in place, but not pulling away. Not yet. Wildly hopeful now, I held the touch there for a moment, then, shaking a bit myself, slowly leaned into him. My mind went numb with surprise as his hands moved from his lap, slowly sliding up my arms to hold my shoulders gently, leaving a trail of warmth all the way. His mouth was still partly-open; the urge to lightly trace his lips with my tongue was irresistible. He shivered, then put one palm against my cheek and shyly returned the gesture. I shuddered hard, unable to keep back a tiny whimper. I'd wanted this, needed this, so badly, for so long... In some part of my mind, I tried to tell myself that I couldn't take anything for granted, couldn't let myself believe that my feelings might be returned. But the rest of me wasn't listening.

It felt so right, more than anything ever had in all my life. Slowly, we caressed each other with both hands and mouths, carefully at first, then more bold, claiming more and more of each other. I felt like I was lost forever in this moment; there was no hope of getting up and walking away after this. I could never fall for anyone else. Not ever. Not now. Do you realize how much of my very being you own? I asked him silently, wondering if he did, if he ever would. I held on as long as I could, but finally he pulled back, and I opened my eyes to meet a dazed-looking pair of crystal blue ones inches from my own. We just sat there, very still for several seconds, still holding on to one another, then I swallowed and suddenly jumped forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my forehead into a strong shoulder. In visible shock over his own actions, it took a few seconds for Luke to put his own arms around me, simply holding me close. It was all I'd ever wanted; I felt like I could die happy right now.

"I can't believe you..." I finally managed to whisper into his shoulder. "I can't... You..."

"I... I can't believe it myself." But it had happened, nonetheless. Looking at a complete loss for words, my dark-haired cousin resorted to slight humor. "You don't mind, do you?" he joked lightly.

Grinning wildly, I shook my head vehemently, still not looking up. "No way! But... I didn't know you would ever..." Pausing, I finally lifted my head and looked up at him, feeling suddenly shy all over again. For some reason, I wanted him to know this. "I've... never done that before. Not with a guy."

Luke swallowed, hard, an old-seeming pain coming into his eyes. "It... wasn't my first time, Bo."

That got my attention. I frowned, startled and suddenly, strangely jealous. "You've kissed a man before?"

"No..." He closed his eyes. "I'm not even sure why I'm telling you this... I never told anyone... but... It was more like he kissed me. I didn't want him to."

My eyes narrowed, the faint beginnings of anger starting to build. "When?"

"In the service. He... he and a couple of his buddies were planning on more... but the lieutenant showed up just in time and tossed 'em all in the brig."

I felt my eyes go wide, as my jaw dropped slightly in disbelief and horror. "You mean they were gonna..? What?!" I finally exploded hotly as I sprang to my feet, my usually-quick temper igniting into a rage that filled my body, until I was trembling with it. "Who were they, Luke?"

"Whoa there, cousin!" He scrambled up after me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I just looked at him, feeling sheer fury flashing in my own eyes. "Settle down. There ain't nothin' you can do to them; I don't even have a clue where they are! Frankly, I don't care! Nothing happened, Bo. It could have, but it didn't. That's all that matters. It's in the past. It makes this a little hard, but... it's in the past."

"But... but..."

I fumbled for something to say, as furious as I'd ever been and not quite sure how to let it out. Finally I spun away and stalked over to the cabin. Luke quickly stomped the little fire out and ran after me. "Bo! Wait up!"

My cousin came through the door just as I flicked the portable fluorescent lamp on and ran over to the cot to pull back my arm and deliver a powerful blow to the middle of the mattress. The springs groaned in complaint at the mistreatment. I panted for breath and dropped to my knees, letting my chin fall to my chest. I knew myself; I'd needed that release.

"Bo! Are you okay?" He ran up and knelt down beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Cousin?"

I finally looked up at him. Anger still burned inside, but not quite as brightly. "I had to do something," I explained quietly. "I had to let it out or I'd have..." I shook my head. "I don't know. I would've exploded or something."

"I thought you did," Luke smiled. He hesitated for a moment, then slid the hand on my shoulder around me in a one-armed hug. I leaned against him, sighing, the fury slowly seeping out of me to be replaced by the contentment of where I was.

"Sorry."

"Hey, it's okay. I'm glad you care." He hugged me again, then let go and stood up. I turned to look up at him, feeling rather bereft. "C'mon. I'm bushed. Let's get ready for bed, huh?"

I blinked at him for a moment, pretending noncomprehension. He sighed, crouching down again.

"Look, I know you want to talk some more. I understand." The brief touch of fingers against my cheek sent delightful shivers down my spine, and I couldn't help but smile. "But I just need to think about all this, okay? I need a little time. Can you give me that?"

We held each other's eyes for a long moment, then I accepted that and nodded, yawning despite myself. "I guess I'm pretty tired too. Unless you wanna share a bed again tonight, help me get the other cot made up, will ya?" That had been rather cramped quarters on that tiny excuse for a bed. We weren't little kids any more. And now that he knew how I felt about him... it would be different now. I should have expected he would want some space. Luke was a thinker; that was how he handled things he didn't completely understand. I could only hope that a good night's sleep wouldn't change his mind toward accepting this. I could be patient. I could wait, as long as I knew I would win the prize in the end. I just had to be careful, not push. That would only drive him away.

He nodded, smiling his gratitude. "Thanks. Sure."

Together, we pulled the other cot out of its corner and unfolded it, chased the resident mouse away, checked for any holes that might have been chewed, and then found some blankets and made it into a bed. While Luke went outdoors to pick up the bows they'd left near the fire, I pushed the cot within arm's reach, giving in to that much of my longing at least. When my dark-haired cousin came back in, I raised my chin in silent defiance, ready to argue the point, but Luke only smiled slightly.

"It'll be okay, Bo. Come on, let's get some sleep. Maybe we can go swimming tomorrow. Or drive somewhere or somethin'. We'll just go have some fun."

I relaxed, returning the smile. "Sounds great." I followed him back outside, and we took turns at the pump outside with washcloths and toothbrushes before coming back into the cabin and undressing to crawl into our respective beds. I wriggled down under the blanket, feeling more content than I had for as long as I could remember, then reached out and took Luke's hand in mine. He turned his head to look at me in surprise, but returned the grip.

"What is it, little cousin?"

I just smiled at the old, fond nickname, squeezing his hand, glad beyond words that he was accepting all this. "Can I tell you somethin'?" I asked softly, for some reason feeling shy all over again.

He chuckled quietly. "Sure. What?"

"I love you, Lukas Keith Duke. With all my heart."

He lay still, seemingly pondering what to say in return. Finally he settled for a returned smile and, "I know."

It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but somehow it was enough. I squeezed his hand again, then simply rolled onto my side, hand still enclosed in my cousin's, and closed my eyes. After a few seconds, Luke's voice came again.

"Good night, Bo."

"Mm. Good night." I yawned again, smiling to myself, and banished all thought until morning. Close to this man and quite happy to be there, I fell into a blissfully peaceful sleep.

<> <> <> <> <> <>

We stayed up at the cabin for almost a week before I felt like I was ready to go join the world again. After we'd cleaned up the cabin, putting away the cots and other gear, Bo and I pulled the General Lee and the loaner car up out of the hollow, and headed for home.

We took the gray car back to Cooter first, then went straight to the farm. When I climbed out of the General, I saw Uncle Jesse standing on the porch, as though for some reason he had been expecting us. Maybe Cooter called him. I hesitated, not quite sure why, searching his face from a distance for any sign of anger at my disappearing. Instead, I saw a slow smile cross my uncle's face, and he simply held out his arms.

My throat tightening, I ran to the porch and gladly collapsed into his embrace. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I couldn't stop saying. "Uncle Jesse..."

"Hush now, boy," he mock-scolded gently. "Settle down. There ain't nothin' to be sorry for."

Swallowing back tears, I buried my head in his shoulder, feeling almost like I was ten again, rather than three times that. Bo came up behind me, and I heard him say quietly, "We stayed up at still site four. He's gonna be okay, Uncle Jesse."

"Thank you for finding him." It was then that it really struck home -- Uncle Jesse hadn't just allowed Bo to go, he had actually sent him. The realization of the depth of his love and understanding made me tighten my arms around him.

"I love you, Uncle Jesse," I whispered into his shirt, and drew a shuddering, deep breath. He smelled... good. Safe. Like home. It surprised me a little that I was noticing this. But the mix of sun, dirt, and something that was just Uncle Jesse made me start to relax, like a child who'd found his father or mother after being lost. Acually, come to think of it... that wasn't that far from the truth.

"And I love you, Luke. You know that. It's all right, now, I know you was mixed up, and hurtin', and all," he gently soothed, rubbing my back. "I'm glad you let Bo stay with you. I wasn't sure you'd let anybody else in." He pulled away and smiled slightly. "There's somethin' special about brothers, ain't there?"

"Yeah. There is." I managed a smile, and felt better for it, catching Bo's eye out of the corner of mine. Something special. There certainly was something special between me and Bo. I wasn't quite sure what it was yet, or how to react to it. But it was very deep, very strong, and it wasn't brotherly. I knew that much.

Behind me, the screen door opened again with a creak, and I moved away from Uncle Jesse with a smile to take Daisy in my arms, hugging my cousin tightly. Finally I pulled back and met dark blue eyes so like Bo's, wordlessly begging her forgiveness for my roughness of late. She only smiled and poked a playful finger into the middle of my chest. "All forgiven, plowboy. Now come on in. You need a real bath besides a creek, and I've got dinner on the stove too. I bet you ain't had an honest meal in days."

"You'd be collectin' your winnings," I admitted. The tasty aroma of country cooking was wafting out of the kitchen. "Smells good, too."

Daisy smiled a little at the flattery, then turned and went back into the kitchen. Not before she called, "Take a shower!" back over her shoulder, though.

Bo chuckled at my shoulder, and I jumped slightly. I hadn't heard him come up. "We sure know who rules the roost 'round here," he joked quietly, so Daisy couldn't hear. I had to chuckle. It was true. We boys ran the farm, but Daisy practically owned the house. And Uncle Jesse watched over all three of us as fiercely as if we were his very own.

"Yeah." I watched as our uncle wandered across the yard, tossing chicken feed out for the eager hens. "Well, I'd better go obey. I probably do smell like... fire smoke." Not to mention fish, lake water, dirt, pine sap, and sweat. Thinking about it, I made a slight face. In other words, like I'd been camping out. Which I had.

"Me too." Bo followed me through the kitchen and into the living room. "I need a shower as bad as you do. Toss ya for the first one?"

I grimaced. Our water heater did not have the largest capacity in Hazzard. The one who got the second shower either had to make it very quick, or live with barely tepid water. "No way. I said it first. I get first."

"You didn't say it first," he protested, following me into our room. "Daisy did."

"She said it about me."

"Who says?"

"I do."

He rolled his eyes, but was smiling. "Sadist," he grumbled, punching me lightly in the shoulder. "I'll be in the kitchen."

I couldn't resist. "Begging for food?"

He giggled and pulled his face into that well-practiced puppy-dog look of his. Laughing, I gave him a shove toward the door.

"Get outta here!"

He spun in the doorway and saluted smartly, with a very disrespectful grin on his face. "Yes, sir!"

"Shoo!" I grabbed a pillow and threatened him with it, laughing out loud. Bo ducked playfully, throwing his arms up over his head.

"I'm gone, I'm gone!" He disappeared out the door at record speed. My grin faded to a thoughtful smile as I replaced the pillow at the head of my bed. Everything was back to normal, almost. Almost as though nothing had ever happened. As though I'd never met Helen, never fallen in love, never lost her. Was it all a put-on to convince my family I was beginning to recover? Or was I really? I wasn't even sure myself.

I nibbled on my lower lip as I dug through my dresser drawers for clean clothes. And what was this with Bo? Did I really feel what I thought I did? Or was I unconsciously reaching out to whoever was willing to give me comfort? And would I ever be able to really understand how he felt about me, and return that feeling? Beyond just the moral concerns, which were quite enough, I had that near-experience in the Marines to deal with. That one kiss had caught me by surprise and I had admittedly enjoyed it, more than I should have, but deep inside, I was still afraid. Afraid of being hurt. That encounter with that sergeant had scared me, really scared me. Enough that I wasn't sure how I would react if Bo tried it again. I knew my younger cousin -- he was a very physical person, in all ways. He hugged friends, he practically climbed on family, he attacked those he was mad at with barely a warning... all his emotions came out in actions. And his emotions toward me were very strong. In our week at the cabin, I'd realized that much. Could I handle that? Could I handle the proof of what he felt?

I wasn't sure. And somehow, the fact that I wasn't sent a pang through my stomach. Shaking off the thoughts, I headed down the hall for the bathroom. But once I was in the shower, relaxing under the stream of warm water, almost feeling the dirt wash away, they returned. I looked very seriously at that strange pain deep inside myself. Was I just determined not to hurt Bo? Or could I actually be responding emotionally to his shy admissions and willingness to wait if I wasn't ready to accept this? Wait forever. He had said that one evening sitting by the fire, that he would wait forever, that he wouldn't mind. I knew he didn't mean something as noble and self-sacrificing as taking a vow of celibacy or anything. Not the cousin I knew! Besides, I didn't think any relationship between us should get very physical anyway. After all, we were cousins. But what he had meant somehow touched me deeper than any vow could have. He'd sworn to me his heart, and calmly refused to give it to any other.

That touched something inside of me that I'd been sure was dead now. That something was starting to come back to life, shy and soft and very very warm. And that really scared me.

Chapter Two